Perfectionist? How to Let Go and Become Your Best.
Have you ever heard the saying ‘the key to happiness is letting go of that idea of perfection’? Quoted by Debra Messing, an American actress, it holds true - releasing your perfectionism can be liberating. Even more so, this detachment of extreme precision is what can contribute to better mental health and overall success.
There is often a blur between what people define as a ‘perfectionist’ in contrast to a ‘high achiever’. Perfectionists must appear perfect, even to believe it’s possible to achieve perfection. They are motivated by fear and paralyzed by the idea of failure, whereas high achievers are solely motivated to do their best.
I have witnessed many people try to become near perfect at something - whether in sports, music, or school. Although being a perfectionist has benefits like better attention to detail, high standards, and high levels of perseverance, as you can probably imagine, a range of problems arise.
There is evidence that traits of perfectionism are often linked to mental health issues like anxiety, OCD, and stress. This is because individuals become sad and incompetent when they do not achieve their goals. Additionally, perfectionists suffer from sleep deprivation since they want to achieve as many things as possible, increasing the risks of mental health issues developing further.
Suicide ideation is also a mental health problem that can arise from perfectionism. For example, one study found that over half of the people who died by suicide were described by their loved ones as ‘perfectionists.’ Another study found that more than 70 percent of young people who died by suicide were in the habit of creating ‘exceedingly high expectations of themselves. The good news is that anyone can let go of being a perfectionist. It will take time and potentially specialists to help, but it is possible.
Being able to identify the signs is the first step. These include: feeling like you fail at everything you try, struggling to relax and share your thoughts and feelings, becoming very controlling in your relationships, and becoming obsessed with rules, lists and work. Individuals may also notice these effects in their daily life, such as lower productivity and a constant layer of stress due to their harsh internal dialogue, in which their ‘inner critic’ tells them they’re not good enough.
There are multiple ways to target perfectionism. These include setting realistic and attainable goals, focusing on one activity or task at a time, acknowledging that everyone makes mistakes, and confronting fears by remaining realistic about possible outcomes. Others include lowering the pressure you put on yourself, cutting out negative influences, learning how to receive criticism, and allowing yourself to make mistakes.
I think working on one of these weekly tips is realistic because this does not just happen overnight. Recently, I have been focusing on the positive things I am doing, as I have learnt that our brains are wired to pick out the negatives. Every time I am conscious that I am thinking a negative thought such as ‘I lost the ball again’ in my soccer match, I take a second to correct myself and think about what I can do next instead of dwelling on others' opinions of me or beating myself up about it after the game.
Being a perfectionist is not bad; it can sometimes even be helpful. But when you step out of the boundary of a ‘high achiever’ and further into a ‘perfectionist’ state, which can affect your ability to deal with everyday pressures, you need to step back. Just remember: no one is perfect. That’s part of life. You should embrace your imperfections. I’ll leave you with another quote I want you to say aloud.
‘I don’t have to be perfect. All I have to do is show up and enjoy the messy, imperfect and beautiful journey of my life.
Bibliography
Pros and Cons of having a perfectionist attitude, DataDrivenInvestor (2021.), https://medium.datadriveninvestor.com/pros-and-cons-of-having-a-perfectionist-attitude-527bea964593 accessed on 01/16/2023
Perfectionism, Healthline (2016.), https://www.healthline.com/health/perfectionism#prevention accessed on 01/16/2023
Sandoui, A. (2018), How perfectionism affects your (mental) health, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/323323#Living-with-a-harsh-inner-voice, accessed on 01/17/2023